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not sisterly love

I had never got along with my sister for as long as i can remember, yeah, people would roll their eyes and call that family, but i feel different about it somehow.

when i listened to her thoughts about my feelings towards her is a bit odd. her thoughts that when i was five, she had to go to iqaluit to have menda, i strongly

disapporved of her going because she was like a "second mom" to me or other and she had broken my heart in leaving. she says i was never able to forgive her.

i dont know if thats true 'casue i can actually not remember that really happening.(its horribly wrong that my mom supports that idea)

 

for all the times i can remember, even now, i cant see her as respectable, therefore not likeable(this goes for all people i dont like) so there hasnt been much that 

i actually want some contact with her. with the swerling faces she creates before my eyes just makes my skin vomit, everyone has at least two faces, i believe, 

but she has more, one for each occaition.

one goes to my parents and me, this is used to lure negative eyes to me making me bad and somehow evil, saying bad things about my weight,  my worst actions

and how childish i can be(most when i was actually young) and the bit of a bully that i can be to others.

two, goes to my friends and me, she also pretends to be my friend, sitting close to me and pretending to wonder what i do and who i am, forced smiles and hollow

laughes. i can sometimes see the gleam in her eyes that would almost shine the truth, unpleasant. her eyebrows wrinkle when i say something she doesnt

understand(most about technology and art) and then she stalks off if noting goes the way she wants it to 

three, attractive men and me. it makes me horribly uncomfertable how she can speak so calmly and regularlly about men, how they look and what makes her so

fascinated like about their ass or his face, most scaringly, his dick. i think my mind is stained with the blood fm my brain.

four, to me and me alone, most often when shes drunk. she likes to talk like im her unbroken child, the one free of her poverty and neglect, short temper and an

experenced fist. her long and stiff nails so close to my skin, almost whithering away in the cold. motherly smiles as caring words clining arms and hot breath on my

skin, asking me to be the loving sister that she wants me to be. flee the scene fast, is all my mind says.

five, money and me, this happenes way too often, this i know is my own solid knowledge, money. that can go as early as 13, that ime i just started work again from

when i was 12, she came up to me and asked for money, i said i didnt have any casue i didnt get payed yet so she asked if i should get an advance from my boss.

well the funny part is when she followed me to work and waited behind me to ask my boss. as he listened to my question, he kept roaming his eys back and forth to

me and my sister and i guess it clicked to him. it wasnt for me, it was for my sister, so he said no. later after my pay, she asked for money, i asked her why, she said

'stuff' and then i gave her 60. this went on until my boss confronted me and told me to say no to my sister when i was 14, then the bill was about 200 to 300. it

hasnt been payed since, still she tryed to ask for money, not happeneing.

six, me and menda. i love menda, mostly 'cause i have to, im her aunt but she has too much of her mom. she was sent to my mom cause my sister is only able to

take care of one, im sually the one in the family who has money so i buy some stuff for her, she probably rubs it in her brothers face, who lives with my sister.

i gave menda my old mp3, it was 2 years old, good shape and very durable and very tough with me. 2 weeks later it dies with menda. so when my mom went out of

town, i gave her money to buy a new one for menda, turnes out my sister likes it too, mostly cause she cant afford her own one.

 

YAY CLIMAX OF THE RANT!

 

so my sister and her son is going to SK for a while, i dont know why. well while i was watching tv, i heard her son say that he wants to

listen to 'it' while hes on the plane, this set off something in me, my sister has no 'it', shes broke. often menda lends her 'it' to my sister. heh. so i asked menda in the next

room if her mom has the mp3, turns out, my sister is taking mendas renewed birthday present to SK with her. so i ask menda why  she let her mom take her things

menda, unsteadily says that her mom 'will get mad'. so another thing seys off inside of me and i go in a quick pase to my sister and asked if she has mendas mp3,

my sister says 'yeah' and i tell her to give it back, she says menda allowed her to take it, then i said i bought it for menda, not her. she says so, i tell her to give it 

back, we get into a bit of yelling and then my sister pushes me a little, that really set me off. i shove her, i saw her try to make a move then my horrible child hood

habbit kicks in and i grab her hair and pull it down, so low that she is bend down. i vaugely see her arms filaling towards my face, my brother in the background, her

son moving away from us and meda jumping in the scene then i hear "she could" from meda and i let go. my sisters fist kinda grazed my brow and i yell at her that i

bought it for menda not her again, she says "who gives a fuck" openeing the door and try to leave my immatureity kicks my ass  and then  i punch her head as she

leaves. so now i have swollen brow.

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